I suppose there was a reason why I hadn’t waited, till I finished the entire book before posting my previous entry. This letter deserves a post on it’s own.
Wendy Walker – Producer of Larry King Live
“Not getting pregnant will be the best thing that ever happens to you.”
I know this has been a difficult few years for you. I am sure you thought that since your body seemed so fit and young on the outside, everything on the inside was going to work, too. And I know the disappointment you feel every time you find out it hasn’t worked. I know how you always just expected to get pregnant. You never thought if, you only thought when. I know you wanted to run home and say those two words: “I’m pregnant.”
You wanted to watch your stomach grow and laugh about the foods that made you sick and those you just craved and had to go out and get at 11:30 at night. You wanted to rush to the hospital and have your baby placed on your chest. You wanted to cry with joy and love for a little creature that was yours. And right now, that doesn’t look like it is going to happen, does it?
I saw your sadness at Christmas when it didn’t happen. And I heard your heart break when your sweet doctor called again with the news that it is unlikely you will carry a child. I remember the night you finally said you could not go through the process again, and I know you felt so alone.
I want to take this pain away from you. I hate to see you so sad.
I want to tell you that not getting pregnant will be the best thing that ever happens to you. It is a profound gift from the best energy in the universe. The stars will line up perfectly to bring you your gifts.
You will receive two amazing children, a boy and a girl. You will be with your daughter when she is born. She will be as beautiful inside as she is out. All the nurses will say she is the most beautiful baby they have ever seen. She will laugh like you and pout like you. She will have the spirit of an angel and the gentleness of a colt. Everyone will love her because her heart is so pure. She will be kind to everyone and you will not hear an unkind word spoken about her.
She will be embarrassed when you dance in the car while driving her to school and she will come to you when she has a private question. You will be so happy you didn’t get pregnant. Because this child will fill your life so full of love that you will thank God every day that somehow it was just meant to be. She was meant to be yours.
And then you will be brought another little soul, this time a boy. You will be with him, too, when he is born. He will look just like you. And he will cling to you. He will not stop running. In fact, he will go from crawling to running. He will never walk. He will make you laugh every day and people will stop you on the street to talk to him. He will be a puzzle you will spend hours trying to put together. He will entertain you, challenge you, and be such a joy in your life. You will listen to his stories about dinosaurs over and over again. You will sing him to sleep while he has both arms around you.
There is a beautiful saying about adopted children, which is that they don’t come from your stomach; they come from your heart. He is your heart. You will love him with everything you have and you will forget the pain you have now. Because you will thank God every day that somehow it was just meant to be. He was meant to be yours.
You won’t even remember this time in your life very much because it will be so overcome by happiness with these children. This is happening to you for a reason. You will forever be grateful that you didn’t get pregnant, because if you had, you would not have them. And they are your loves and your spirit. So tonight, go to sleep and dream about these two babies and soon they will be in your arms. The angels will bring them to you. It was meant to be. I promise.
This letter made me cry. It takes so much strength to write something like this and let alone, share it with the rest of the world.
Wendy Walker, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. With me.