Do you dig your own grave?


Often, we think it’s easier to sweep a matter under the carpet or leave it to a ‘better’ time to address, speak and resolve it. I’m not just speaking about relationship between partners. Friendships fall under this category too. And in fact, any relationship for that matter. We fear upsetting the other person, we fear destabilizing the current status and equilibrium in the relationship and basically, we fear the consequences of coming clean. We think it’s foolish to ruin the present you’re sharing with the person and push sharing/confessing your mistake to another time. As people say, why would you want to dig your grave?

How do you deal with this? Be it, you being the one coming clean or you being at the other end of spectrum of listening to what the other has to hear?

As for me, I’m not going to say admitting to someone that I was wrong and erred is an easy feat for me and that I’ve always been forthcoming. But, an incident that happened some time ago taught me a lesson I want to and probably will remember forever. Sometimes things have to be said, even if they don’t want to be heard. Of course, vice versa is applicable, and that you have be prepared to hear things you aren’t always ready for. I guess this is one of those things easier said than done. I remember this each time I pause to think before I share something with someone. I worry if it’s the right thing to do, if this time is good, how he/she is going to react etcetera. I try to balance coming clean with hurting the other’s feelings. Sometimes I fail and hurt the other so deep, it takes a while to heal and for things to get back to normal. Sometimes, it’s not as difficult and painful as I envision it to be. Whatever the case, I’ve learnt that you have got to just take the leap and belief what you share with the person is bigger than the issue at hand to be addressed. Just the faith that things will eventually, just eventually fall into place.

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