Collide with me.

You whispered into my ears everything he said I wasn’t.

You desired me in a way he didn’t.

You made me feel good about the fragments of beauty (or lack thereof) that he constantly made me feel sorry for.

You spoke right through to the depths of my heart. The same place that (still) holds the hurt from the times he reminded me of my flaws that made feel like I wasn’t deserving of love.

So, collide with me. Now and again. In beautiful, beautiful ways. For, I’ll be here. Waiting.

This might be self-destruction. But, isn’t that what love does – creates and destroys all at once.

It’s been a while but I’m still left here picking up the pieces.

So cut me some slack and let me be; just me.

The whisper in my heart.

I miss the comfort of our silence.

I miss the way you saw through my eyes before my lips spoke.

I miss the way you picked up the shift in my glances when I became nervous.

I miss the shoulders that reminded me of the strength you drew from us.

I miss the hands that picked me up each time I fell, with an embrace.

Tonight, I just miss you in all entirety.

And probably, I’ll always do.

Goodbye my lover.

Today marks 2 years.

2 years since we split after 4 years of memories. 2 youthful lovers who planned on marching through the world hand in hand.  Who wanted to have the world under their feet. Who lived and loved like there’s no tomorrow. Who made love so passionately they touched each other’s soul with every kiss planted.

It’s time. It’s time, we march forward. I say, we as a collective unit, cause we have split but still remain a part. I am me sprinkled with you in my soul and vice versa, I hope.

I am ready to embrace come what may, holding fond memories of the way you so effortlessly made my heart sing, even on our most trying nights, close to me.

Thank you for loving me (silently) all this while.

 

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.

You made me hungry for words.

You inspired poetry within (me).

You were the reason I picked up my pen and paper again.

You waited patiently for me to join you in bed after I was done making love to words.

You blurred the lines between fiction and reality for me.

You saw beauty in the tales of fiction I spun.

You gave life to the words “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

You made turning pages of a novel ecstasy for me.

You were so many things that you planned on being, and many others that you didn’t.

I thank you for walking into my life, and finding your way out.

 

 

The monotony.

They used to have adventures. Each day was really an adventure. Neither planned for anything but somehow things always had a way of happening with them, just by them being physically together.

Now, they just weighed each other down. Their hearts were heavy. Even kisses and hugs didn’t mean a thing. When days are numbered and forever is questioned, you’re just left spiritless. Words are exchanged in the attempt of healing each other. But, even that, fails. How do you come out of it and feel alive again? Will you ever be even able to? One is allowed to hope isn’t he? That salvation will come knocking on his door soon enough.

You just need to make patience your best friend.

No words to say?

She has so much to say. Yet, no words formulate as she sits behind her screen, staring at the rather empty Wordpress post template. Yet, she insists on trying.

—-

He was her everything, yet nothing.

The closest thing she had ever had, yet the most distant.

He was all her heart knew and yet;

She’s letting go. She’ll keep float. She’ll survive. Just wait and watch.

 

 

 

 

Timeless conversation.

He and she sat there for hours despite the incessant chatter that surrounded them. They spoke as if the ocean was gonna separate them tomorrow when the sun rose. They had endless things to bare to each other about it felt like time was never enough. But, then again, she always felt like that with him. She yearned for his touch on her naked skin each time they were apart. For his shoulder to lie on just to feel safe and at peace. She needed his listening ear and his whispers “it’s gonna be alright.” He made her heart light. He made her heart sing a tune she wasn’t even aware she was capable of. That was the kind of love she had always dreamt of. He was that and everything more. This was enough for her.

The dedication.

A tear rolled down her cheek when she heard the song dedication in her name by the one her fingers were intertwined with. She felt his love through another’s voice. “To you, my love.” It made the moment feel even more surreal. He continues to surprise her at the randomest of moments. She lost herself in his arms and enjoyed the song despite being hopeless with the lyrics.

This was the dedication.

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

The best part is, she wasn’t even a Mraz fan till yesterday.

This is her (late) dedication, to him.

One way street.

She was in denial that he will someday be the piece that fit in perfectly into her world. She fooled herself into believing all of his words. She forgot that actions speak louder than words. It’s easy to utter words just to please the other. To do something, make a sacrifice, put the other before you, that requires thought to be translated into action. It was best to remain silent this time round. She was in this alone. She should have known better cause it had started off as being too good to be true. Indeed, it was a blessing in disguise. She reminded herself about the things she had planned to do as the year begun. She didn’t need a man to be in the picture to achieve those dreams. She had herself. That was enough.

Let go and love.

She knew she was never gonna master the art of loving without expectations. How do you love without expecting? Is it even possible? Her love wasn’t that noble and selfless. It was selfish cause she wanted all of him, now and forever. Yet, she wanted to try so that there is no space for petty arguments to come between them. No chance for her to question the love she had for him. He wouldn’t run, but she didn’t want to hurt him and them in the process. It felt tiring. Just plain tiring. They started this out to keep each other happy and to just hold on to the now, the beautiful now they’re having. She just wants that. Nothing else. Nothing more.

So she decided that the first step in this journey is to stop getting herself worked up with regards to his idiosyncrasies. It is impossible to think love can change someone. You can’t. Love isn’t that powerful. She reminded herself it’s okay to turn a blind eye to certain sides of him. To hold onto the parts of him that made her keep falling in love with him all over again. It didn’t matter if love turned her blind. Short-sighted.

She was happy. That was all that mattered. To her and to him.