Chronic Dissatisfaction.

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Chronic Dissatisfaction, a term María Elena played by Penelope Cruz diagnoses Cristina to have in  the movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, as she is always dissatisfied with what she has, at present. She is always restless and aches for something new to happen in her life. It’s like she’s searching for something she doesn’t know what it even is. To label, let alone describe.

Have you ever found yourself in this position? I constantly do.

Vicky made me wonder about the harsh possibility of wanting/dreaming about something your whole life, that it eventually might end up as something you don’t quite want. In her case, it was a person, a life, a marriage she was about to set foot into. Sometimes, I think that the very reason for this paralysis of indecision to hit us when we need to make a decision is because, we have an abundance of choices before us.

In chapter 2 (Marriage & Expectation) of Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage, Elizabeth Gilbert says,

“When you have only one path set before you, you can generally feel confident that it was the correct path to have taken.”

Yes, I love this author, this book, this freaking chapter if you haven’t already deduced.

It’s the constant predicament we go through and the constant questioning of whether “this is really what we want” that inhibits us from making a decision in the first place.  Simply put, the paralysis of indecision.

“Vicky returned home to have her grand wedding to Doug. To the house they finally planned to settle in. And to lead the life she envisioned for herself, before that summer in Barcelona. Cristina continued searching… certain only, of what she didn’t want.”

I just finished a book by Sarah Dessen, The truth about forever.

“That was thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.”

It reminded me, yet again, of the picturesque future, Utopia that we make up in our minds is all fictional. What we really have, is now. We don’t need labels for every aspect of our lives, we just to need live and let live. The forever, love claims to be about, might not be case. Forever begins from now, this moment. And this moment, is what counts. Not the happily ever after that might or might not be. As Priya Basil says in The Obscure Logic Of  The Heart,

“I don’t see a point of deferring happiness for some future promise of salvation.”

Going back to the film, it did great in capturing both the love and hate in the complex relationship(s) played by all four characters – María, Cristina, Vicky and Juan. Also, if you aren’t already in love with Barcelona, this film will help you lose yourself in the beautiful Gaudi architecture. And lastly, Woody Allen. Every of his film needs a watch. Enuff’ said.

So go catch this! It’s a very light-hearted movie about love, relationships and its complexities.

“Our love will last forever. It’s forever but it just doesn’t work. That’s why it will always be romantic because it cannot be complete.”

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Choices.

We always tend to perceive life as being better for the one who is presented with more choices. We forget that with more choices, the mind of a human only tends to get more muddled up, more confused and sway more easily from choice A to B to D and then back to C in the pursuit of securing the best. We try to weigh our decisions based on the factors we deem as important. Mentally trying to conjour up a table of some-sort by listing out all our factors on the left hand side and then trying to number them. We keep arranging and rearranging the factors, and after between a matter of minutes to hours, we decide on choice D only to change it back to choice B in a matter of seconds. Imagine what happens when you’ve almost 20 options?! Is your mind capable of weighing the factors for that many options? Seriously!

And that’s when you hear your mind voice saying “Who told you having more choices were better? I expected better from you. Thanks for letting me down. I think I should just give up on you.” It always happens to me because I allow the greediness that Mankind is innate with to get the better out of me. I thrive on the satisfaction I get knowing that I’ve made the best decision even for something as mundane as, taking the train instead of the bus just to save 12 minutes and 36 seconds. I seek happiness in knowing that if I walk a couple of hundred meters I can purchase mineral water for a dollar less though, I don’t feel that guilty about spending $19.80 on Starbucks coffee within a span of 4 days (i.e. 3 grande-sized cups in 3 days). That kind of works up to 54 litres of mineral water if I ditch the coffee, mind you.

This TED talk pretty much sums up my point. Spare 20 minutes for this, it’s going to be worth it, trust me!

Everybody needs a fishbowl, so that misery doesn’t paralyze us. How aptly put!