Chronic Dissatisfaction.

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Chronic Dissatisfaction, a term María Elena played by Penelope Cruz diagnoses Cristina to have in  the movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, as she is always dissatisfied with what she has, at present. She is always restless and aches for something new to happen in her life. It’s like she’s searching for something she doesn’t know what it even is. To label, let alone describe.

Have you ever found yourself in this position? I constantly do.

Vicky made me wonder about the harsh possibility of wanting/dreaming about something your whole life, that it eventually might end up as something you don’t quite want. In her case, it was a person, a life, a marriage she was about to set foot into. Sometimes, I think that the very reason for this paralysis of indecision to hit us when we need to make a decision is because, we have an abundance of choices before us.

In chapter 2 (Marriage & Expectation) of Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage, Elizabeth Gilbert says,

“When you have only one path set before you, you can generally feel confident that it was the correct path to have taken.”

Yes, I love this author, this book, this freaking chapter if you haven’t already deduced.

It’s the constant predicament we go through and the constant questioning of whether “this is really what we want” that inhibits us from making a decision in the first place.  Simply put, the paralysis of indecision.

“Vicky returned home to have her grand wedding to Doug. To the house they finally planned to settle in. And to lead the life she envisioned for herself, before that summer in Barcelona. Cristina continued searching… certain only, of what she didn’t want.”

I just finished a book by Sarah Dessen, The truth about forever.

“That was thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.”

It reminded me, yet again, of the picturesque future, Utopia that we make up in our minds is all fictional. What we really have, is now. We don’t need labels for every aspect of our lives, we just to need live and let live. The forever, love claims to be about, might not be case. Forever begins from now, this moment. And this moment, is what counts. Not the happily ever after that might or might not be. As Priya Basil says in The Obscure Logic Of  The Heart,

“I don’t see a point of deferring happiness for some future promise of salvation.”

Going back to the film, it did great in capturing both the love and hate in the complex relationship(s) played by all four characters – María, Cristina, Vicky and Juan. Also, if you aren’t already in love with Barcelona, this film will help you lose yourself in the beautiful Gaudi architecture. And lastly, Woody Allen. Every of his film needs a watch. Enuff’ said.

So go catch this! It’s a very light-hearted movie about love, relationships and its complexities.

“Our love will last forever. It’s forever but it just doesn’t work. That’s why it will always be romantic because it cannot be complete.”

Success = ?

This post has been inspired by Fat Mum Slim. One of my favourite bloggers. This is another take on it. And below is mine!

I have always wanted to achieve so many things all my life. In the past 3 years alone, I’ve mentally added more things to my already long list of things to achieve by the time my hair turns gray and my knees give way on me, that I’m considering actually penning all of them down. Things to achieve by the time I hit a certain age, with a 5 year span in between my lists. Go figure.

But, I have not measured my success by that till now. Nor, have I pinned hopes on the picturesque image I have about the future ahead of me to define my personal success.

Success to me is very simple and straightforward. It is measured by happiness.

I don’t have a list of 5 or 10 things that I’ve to achieve to be happy, as the things that bring my joy change on a daily basis. Getting dunked into the pool when you can’t swim is fun when it happens once. Try doing that everyday and let me know if you still enjoy it, I’ll salute you. 

This is what success means to me right now. Happiness. And I hope 10, 20 years down the road, I still measure my personal success with happiness as my sole indicator. Of course, I hope expect to be richer, more affluent, have more liabilities and hopefully accumulate some assets along the way. But, I don’t want to use those as my yardsticks to measure success.

My happiness may stem from different things as my world changes. Yet, I still want to be able to define the success of each day I have at hand, with the peace in my heart and the smile plastered on my face in the fleeting moments that pass, from the time my body hits my bed and till my eyes close. And if life goes as planned, include a man to call my own lying beside me.

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 What does success mean to you? I’d love to hear.  

Friday news!

Apart from the fact that yesterday was Friday (TGIF!), my day was made even more awesome as Tanvi had nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award! I felt beyond ecstatic when I saw her comment, that I double triple-checked it to make sure it wasn’t a spam or something. I’ve been on solosingaporean for what 7 days! Having barely written 10 posts, about 300 clicks, 10 followers, and to top that off someone thinks my writing is actually pretty awesome! Was this really happening or what?

The rule is to post the award and nominate about 10-15 bloggers that you think deserve the award. And also, share 7 (quirky/random) facts about yourself with your readers.

1. My childhood ambitions ranged from being a BMX stunt rider, to being a female Jeff Probst (Host of Survivor, Reality TV), to being a police officer. Not kidding!

2. The one thing I CANNOT live without, music.

3. I have always wanted to learn how to play the Mridangam (Indian musical instrument). Now, I feel too old to learn. Heh.

4. I don’t have any favourite childhood TV series/hero/toy/barbie-doll etc.

5. I impulse shop a lot.

6. I’m not a fan of ice-cream, cake or any other desserts. I absolutely have no liking for Indian sweets despite being a Indian. #irony

7. I think I suffer from memory loss. It’s taking quite a toll on me these days.

These beautiful bloggers deserve credit (the least I can do). Please check them out and give them your support and love.

A big life (Olivia)

A dash of pepper .. with a splash of mint (Pepper)

Bodhi du jour

Eccentric owl (Mara)

Fat Mum Slim

Gen Y Girl (Kayla)

Jen loves Kev (Jen)

Love, miffalicious (Arathi)

My punching bag

Rebecca Tollefsen (Rebecca)

Smile and wave (Rachel)

Something charming (Joelle)

The fabulous life of not-so-rich & infamous (Tanvi)

The wonder girl (Tara)

Surprising all are girls. I think!

16-year-old self.

Dear 16-year-old self,

I’m bursting with so many things to tell you. But, I think I wanna begin by saying I wish you held on to your adolescent years a little longer. You often fought with yourself to grow up and questioned so many things about life. You questioned happiness and threaded it with caution instead of embracing it when it came knocking at your door, albeit transient and short-lived. Happiness at every phase in life, whether you’re 16 or 60, is going to elude you. It’s only going to leave you if you decide to hold on to it longer and tighter than you’re supposed and expected to.

The years ahead of you will redefine what friendship and friends mean to you. You’re going to get hurt, betrayed, cheated and go through a whole lot of other emotions but you’ll survive only stronger and less gullible. You will realise soon enough that life works like a curveball and that, karma exists. You just gotta be patient and let things run the course they’re meant to.

You know nothing about love. So quit trying to understand it. Love isn’t meant to be understood. You’re not going to understand it even when you have your first kiss. Or let alone, on your wedding day, for that matter. Or even when you have your first kid. Maybe then, you might understand it just a tiny bit more. But, you’re still going to get a lump in a your throat when the next person comes up to you and asks you what love is.

I can’t wait for you to join me on this side of life in 7 years and 5 months time.

Love always,

Self